Life is Plastic (But, Like, in a Good Way)

Nina Rowan, Senior

Hi. My name is Nina Rowan. I am a senior at Emmaus, I have naturally blonde hair, I have green eyes, and I already know who I am going to marry. 

His name is Ken.

Am I psychic? crazy in love? or just crazy? Well, ladies and gents, the correct answer is “D. none of the above.” I’m just determined-- a girl who knows what she wants. 

A Barbie girl.

No, I am not five years old; I am in fact almost an adult. But I have recently succumbed to Jeremy Scott’s Moschino (mos-key-no) Spring 2015 Ready-to-Wear collection and made arrangements to bleach my hair and invest in bubblegum-pink everything

Why do I suddenly want to travel back to my kiddie years even though I am now 17 and in the prime of my life? And why am I spending my afternoon writing an article about it, clicking furiously through to find a dozen synonyms for “pink,” (a delightful little challenge, I might add) so as not to sound redundant/uneducated/clueless? I’ll tell you why. Because, 1. Barbie is now totally on-trend and you need to know about it, and 2. FASHION IS FUN!!!

Give me curly blonde wigs and oversized heart-shaped sunnies and teacup puppies and feather boas. Give me hot pink glitter and coral-colored mules and faux fur and Hubba Bubba bubbles the size of my face. 

I want fun fuchsia fashion and I want it now.

So what’s a broke Barbie girl living in the ‘burbs to do? Well, stop trying to be funny for one... But seriously though, I would comfortably drop my life savings on almost any piece from this collection (like that baby pink gown with silver polka dots and pink holographic architectural accents... uh, hello, future prom dress!). But sadly, I’m just a fashion fiend without the funds.

Is there any hope for me? Well... kinda. There are some relatively ~cheap~ selections for sale on Moschino’s website right now! For example, the perfectly pink handheld mirror/iPhone 5 phone case priced at only $85!!! Unfortunately, the sweatbands are sold out... but, like, excuse me Moschino, you can’t just sell out of my hopes and dreams?!?!?!

If you’re in desperate need of a quick, cheap Barbie fix, however, head over to Forever21 at the Lehigh Valley Mall and pick up your Barbie essentials from there. With items such as the #Barbie paddle brush, (to ensure you’ll never have a single platinum-blonde hair out of place for only $3.90) the Fold-Over Barbie Beanie ($7.90) and, my personal fave, the Barbie Muscle Tee ($14.80) you can complete your Barbie dream closet for only $26.60!

If your need for Barbie garb is insatiable, head across the way to Wet Seal and pick up the Barbie Branded Skater Skirt (which is basically a shameless Moschino knock-off, but, like, it’s fashion, guys) for only $22.90.

So, to recap, I’ve basically just made all your Barbie dreams come true and did your shopping for you. You’re welcome. 

Now I want my Ken Doll and my Dream House.